For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these, ‘It might have been.’

—John Greenleaf  Whittier

I thought the feeling will kill itself overtime. But sadly, it did not.

Even months prior the arrival of the most-awaited month in the year of a Christian Catholic, every well wisher would manifest joy. It is expected… That is what I know, most people would feel. And that was what I felt years ago.

Lately, the feeling of emptiness I felt was harrowing. I can’t find any big reason why the change of heart except for some petty ones, or what I did that transpired this current struggle. But despite this heart-wrenching feeling, I am always trying to cope to make my life lessen its burden. I go on with my daily responsibilities just to make sure that everything is taken cared of. It’s taxing at times but I needed to do it.

Even what to write down at this moment seems too much of a struggle for my weary heart. Hours from now I shall be wishing you all a ‘Merry Christmas’… but couldn’t even say that to myself.

I am fighting melancholia for those people who have always prayed that I may be well and merry.


3 thoughts on “Blue

  1. Hello Maricel aka Basangsisiw,

    I’ve been following your blogs for several months now since I found the lyrics of the song that you posted. As we celebrate this Christmas season – it is acceptable to feel lonely, sad, depressed – this is all part of being human. People with families nearby especially in PI are lucky compared to us expatriates that we only have ourselves to console with not much fanfare celebration as Filipinos do in our homeland. You should be proud and happy for yourself that I am for one (and many can attest) appreciate your talent in writing. God gave you the wisdom to inspire people like me. As I am looking out the window at the albino panorama (snow all over) while writing this I can not help but appreciate God’s abundant blessing that HE bestowed in the Philippines – the green and bountiful foliage, the blue ocean, white powdered beach, the warm glow of the beautiful sunrise and sunset and most of all the affectionate heart and hospitality of the Filipino people.

    Lift up your heart, take a deep breathe, and praise the Lord for the talent and health that HE provided to you.

    Take good care and God bless. Merry Christmas!

    Your new found friend,


    • Hi po,

      In times when your mind is clouded with negativity, it is this kind of eye-opener that helps me see through the tough times. I was sorry I feel the way the felt the past few days. I guess I’m just being too emotional about a lot of things. Instead of focusing on the whys, I’ll try to concentrate on the positive side of everything. God has His reasons why He allowed some things to happen, I know.

      Thank you for reminding me that there is so much to be thankful for in life. The joy of being with the people you love is just one among many.

      I hope and pray your Christmas is as great and wonderful over there as it would be if you were here, po. Merry Christmas to you and the family!

      Hugs and kisses,



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