by Maricel

For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these, ‘It might have been.’

—John Greenleaf  Whittier

I thought the feeling will kill itself overtime. But sadly, it did not.

Even months prior the arrival of the most-awaited month in the year of a Christian Catholic, every well wisher would manifest joy. It is expected… That is what I know, most people would feel. And that was what I felt years ago.

Lately, the feeling of emptiness I felt was harrowing. I can’t find any big reason why the change of heart except for some petty ones, or what I did that transpired this current struggle. But despite this heart-wrenching feeling, I am always trying to cope to make my life lessen its burden. I go on with my daily responsibilities just to make sure that everything is taken cared of. It’s taxing at times but I needed to do it.

Even what to write down at this moment seems too much of a struggle for my weary heart. Hours from now I shall be wishing you all a ‘Merry Christmas’… but couldn’t even say that to myself.

I am fighting melancholia for those people who have always prayed that I may be well and merry.