Torn In Between

My responsibility as a sister to my siblings and my role as a church servant have made my mind more jumbled than ever as two important events slowly approaches that of my sis- in- law’s delivery and the upcoming Live Stations of the Cross of which I am assigned as the coordinator to three particular stations.

torn in two

I have pre- planned that I’ll be starting to make the props today; starting from the smallest task then to the ones that require more time and effort to complete. But I am also thinking about my family and how I could still be of help to them. More than the physical exhaustion I am feeling due to my week-long fever and the stress of the incoming Lenten activity plus the approaching birthing of another addition to our family, is the emotional battle I am persevering to endure. Well, I could spare myself from all these nerve- wracking activities if I want to, but I am not gonna do that. I don’t think I am capable to do that.  At least I am doing something that not only makes other people happy but personally fulfills my yearning for genuine happiness.

Discipleship they say is not so much a matter of worthiness, but the willingness to be used by God for His mission. And here, I am still working as His disciple, maybe not the way most people think I should be, but slowly and persistently in the way I wholeheartedly believed I am most needed. What I am doing is a little offering of my time and effort through what I have been passionate about. A little work which I fervently hoped and prayed for will work wonders in other people’s lives.

If I need to cut my time to suit any errand my family or my BEC (Basic Ecclesial Community) family will be asking from me, no matter how tired I may be, I’ll be happy to comply.

Laying out the immediate priorities and the secondary ones may be the best that I could do so that I won’t be so muddled with what to do. Hopefully, after all these, everything will turn out well.


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