basangsisiw

Trails of a wandering soul

In Musk, I Trust

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elon

Elon Musk: the epitome of hard work and indestructible determination. In him, I trust.

 

Elon Musk is everything I ever aspire to become. His passion and dreams for the world is remarkably insane but in ways that advance not his personal interest but the good of many. For us who trust in his belief that we can become a space-bearing civilization or a multi-planetary species in the future, every progress SpaceX has achieved with regards to aerospace and space exploration awaken in us a sense of affirmation that “our” dream can happen because someone is building it for us. Someone is finally doing something to make it a reality.

It’s been almost 50 years since humanity last took a step beyond our Earth. We have lost many great minds and great ideas had gone to waste after Apollo 11. We have not materialized any concrete plan to advance space exploration after the moon landing and I’d say that made me personally sad.

When people read about my intro here and in some of my social media accounts, most would laugh at the idea that I am aspiring (yes, I still am) to become an astronaut. I applied for Mars simulation programs for next year and in any space program I come across on the web. Got no word yet. I am not giving up. Even Bill Nye did it four times and got rejected everytime.

Well, even before I learned what Physical and Earth Sciences were exactly about, I was already talking to myself (sounds crazy, right?) while I looked up at the sky at night and wonder if we would ever make it to another star or another galaxy beyond ours. I was wondering what those lights are actually made of and if there are some life forms beyond Earth . As I looked at the sky, I would imagine someone from a million light years away watching his sky and thinking of the same thing I was thinking. I was five or six then. And at that young age, I knew I needed to be good at something, if not everything to accomplish what I dreamt. I have always loved Science and I knew it was the field I needed to take if I want to pursue my dream. I knew I needed to be good at it. To be really good at it.

So even without the parents to guide us around and teach us with our assignments and subjects in school, me and my siblings made it a habit to rely solely on ourselves to get things done. I have a brilliant brother which most of my classmates believed is an advantage for me, but what they do not know of is that he seldom helped me with what I need in school. Even if I’d tear up in front of him in an attempt to beg him to tutor me in Integral Calculus,  Strength of Materials and Thermodynamics, he hardly lift a gaze to see if I was serious. Why? Because I knew he wanted us (younger brother and I) to be independent and self-reliant. To live and work on our own means. To exert extra effort into doing what needs to be done and accomplished. We do, most of the times. We worked on our own… I worked on my own. I read a lot. I read just about anything in the hope that what I came across will eventually help me with my growth, in whatever way that can be.

In High school when I became exposed to encyclopedias and all reading materials available in the library, I found an innate love for reading biographies especially of scientists and world leaders, world history and literature and the Sciences (all of it, even if most of the time, I barely understood what the words and the ideas meant).

My memory was well nurtured when I was younger. I would surprisingly remember the exact details of something I read from somewhere even three years earlier. Some classmates would call me the walking encyclopedia back in school because most of them believed, I knew a little of almost everything. I was the silent girl in class and for them to engage me in the conversation, they often would ask something and I would reply based on what I remember. And that’s how the name tagging came into existence.

I cannot say that I have a terrible memory now. Perhaps because of the many things and responsibilities I juggle on a daily basis, my focus is compromised. And I ended up not having the memory as I used to. My countermeasure to overcome the threat of my failing memory (God forbid) is to engage myself in activities that induce and enhance memory retention and cognitive abilities.

1) Took some time off in silence every weekend.

I usually would get a lavender room diffuser in full relaxation mode, spray a light perfume on my pillows, grab my book and get lost in it while I’m in bed…with my coffee (yeah I know caffeine is not helping but that is something I cannot give up for now, forgive me). I also had been making progress on shutting down social media on scheduled days. I love my friends and the people I met there and they are important to me but just give me some time off to enjoy my “me” time, alright? I still love you all nonetheless.

2) Pursue a healthier diet.

I’ve cut down on meat and high calorie-foods since two years ago. As a result, I’m nearly only skin and bones now.

3) Get enough sleep everyday.

Although this is quite a challenge due to my work schedule, beginning this year, I have tried to get as much sleep as I can— about 7 hours a day compared to last year’s 4-5 hours. I catch up with friends from around the world on weekends or if there’s spare time in between. Kudos to me!

4) Learn a new brain activity
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Like learning a new language. This is one thing I have been pushing myself to do on a daily basis. And so far, I can be understood better than an Italian or a Spanish baby’s babble. Great progress, I must say :).

5) I alot a few minutes everyday for physical exercise.
 
Yes, and what I do actually is do some few yoga poses and that’s it. ( I hope this counts). I also would walk to the highway for like 15 minutes everyday.

6) Stop overworking my arse off.

If I can’t travel either with friends or family or just myself (or in my dreams), I set time for leisure even if it’s just getting my drawing materials into use. It’s good brain exercise. No more stick figures now. 🙂

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7) Foster healthy relationships.
Surround yourself with people who makes you feel good as much as possible. Socialize, interact, call a friend. In a study from the Harvard School of Public Health, researchers found that people with more active social lives had the slowest rate of memory decline.
So I set time for social activities with friends, even if it is just unleashing my inner Adele or Mariah carey in a videoke.
It is good to be serious when you need to but never ever forget to have fun. Getting a pet if you can’t find a human companion to interact with (because you live outside our planet) would also help.

8) Choose happiness every day or you decide otherwise.
 

Happiness is a choice. We all have our bad days and most often we allow it to consume us, we allow it to ruin our day, we ruin the opportunity when you could be happy instead. Bad days, bad memories are part of our lives. They are there no matter how hard you avoid it, but you can change your attitude at how you handle these negativities. Either you stress yourself sulking about how bad your day (or life) has been or you embrace it. “It is a bad day so what am I gonna do about it?” You can choose to be happy, to find meaning and lesson even in the midst of tribulation. Be grateful that you have opportunities to grow mentally and emotionally even if these are from the bad experiences.

I realize lately there is no point getting yourself hurt by allowing the negativity to consume you. Life is too short not to be happy and make someone happy. Smile. Flex those face muscles. Laugh at yourself for your mistakes. Daniel Goleman notes in his book Emotional Intelligence, “laughter… seems to help people think more broadly and associate more freely.”
In Elon’s word, “Life is too short for long-term grudges”.

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But since this is about Elon and his principles and how that makes him the man he is now, some of the points here would contradict his philosophy. He has been vocal about working so hard towards getting your goal, even at the expense of sacrificing sleep. He doesn’t mind getting a call at 3AM on a Sunday and how he don’t want to take a week off from work. To me, these habits are insanely ludicrous and exhausting, making one ineffective. But he proves to me, and the many naysayers, wrong. 

You just gotta love what you do so it won’t feel like it’s work you are exhausting your energy, tears and sweat… and your time on.

My aspiration to become an astronaut continued to grow until High school years. And then something happened that made me reassess myself and my capability to make that dream a reality. I lost my confidence into pursuing Science in college. I digressed from my childhood dream. So instead, I took up an engineering course. And then I almost forgot, I first fell in loved imagining myself in outer space with my space suit looking back at my planet, than designing and calculating work systems and methods confined in an air-conditioned office.

There are people like Musk and others who are venturing into the space travel industry. But what sets him apart from the rest is that, Musk took his vision and launch it into action. He makes the dream real and he is making great progress on that respect with every successful launches SpaceX is making. Furthermore, he never gave up on pursuing his beliefs, ever. His story before he became what he is now is truly remarkable of a hero. He was like being pounded on the anvil for too many times already that quitting to him, is never an option.

I drew my inspiration from him. I am putting my trust in Elon because I saw in him what I cannot do for myself in years—to fight for what I truly love; to take action and move forward; to change the world for the better by trying whatever you can to accomplish that goal. To just try and never give up trying.

I’d often say I am willing to go on a Mars mission in the future and I am not kidding, folks. If I am not able to do that, at least, I would love to see it happening in the course of my lifetime. And I know it will happen because I trust the Iron Man would make it happen.

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Winter Solstice

The period from when I last blogged has been one silent ride for me. Silent because even with the chaos I was subjected into, I decided to remain calm and reserved. Few people have said goodbye (directly and indirectly); few good ones came in; new things came up and life never failed to surprise me with something that both challenged my conviction and will.

I found a new interest which I believe is pretty awesome and I am working on it daily. I’m doing well with keeping up a hobby I almost forgot and I am super-stoked on getting my grip on a dream I almost lost interest to pursue and look for ways on how best to assist myself on attaining the goals I’ve set for myself.

Forward-thinking has been my mantra in work. Being in a career where intensive planning is the name of the game, it has become my habit to always plan ahead and ensure everything turns out as planned, even in my personal life.  But almost always, I am more surprised, sometimes even shocked that in reality, there is a better chance of not disappointing yourself if you stop playing Jack-of-all-trades of your own life. Besides work, I refrain from planning anymore if it concerns something personal I need to work on to. I just do what I deem is necessary to be done everyday and see how these little endeavors will create results for me in the long run—if in turn this will get me into the goals or diverge me 180 degrees from where I should be.

I tried to be positive in everything, even during times when I feel myself wailing out in the middle of the night. There is good about pain and I have always believed in the positive side of opening and subjecting yourself to the throes of your own struggles.  While at some point we become broken and scarred, it is also during these moments that we also realize how strong we are capable to become everytime we victor over our own struggles and how we are able to let go of each pain after. There is beauty in everything, even in our own darkness. The starlight would not be half as beautiful as it is now if it stays in the light.

I am far from becoming the person I aspire to become. There are still a lot of mountains to move and oceans to explore, wars to wage and perhaps white flags to raise, if need be. It will be a hell of a ride for sure but I am not scared anymore. I can no longer be that woman who is afraid to take risks to start a life. I now fight for my beliefs even at the expense of losing some people in the process. There is a reason why people come and go and I just want to believe it is for the good reason.

I am working towards a better me and I hope I am able to get this done soon. 🙂

Spread some ♥ for the world, will ya?

Blank Phase

“There are times when your sadness spills out of nowhere that you can’t fully grasp why you feel the way you do. You embrace melancholy like it is the spirit that fuels your soul and you run after it because deep down, a voice is telling you to chase it, to get your grip tight so it won’t escape you. You long for more of what makes your heart bleed. Your lungs break everytime you grasp for air. The pain is terrible that it gets to your bone everytime a thought crosses your mind or when you remember something…or someone. It’s a sadistic way of killing yourself but also a way to affirm that you are human— broken, flawed, messed up. But you also know, behind every smile that conceals a heartache, the damp pillows and the sleepless nights that mums your heart’s silent cries, you are heading for a catharsis, for a redemption from what it is that makes you feel forlorn and lost.

I don’t know if it is because of the book I am reading that bore a sad resemblance to what and who I am and what I wanted to do, or the characters that made me remember the people in my life— the sad reality of who they were and who they will be.

I just feel in love with a thought but I also embrace the kind of death that comes with that lovely thought. A death to an old dream, a death to moments that will never be again.”

I am not okay. I’ve written the post above in my Facebook about a month earlier and judging by how I feel today, it’s evident I still ain’t feeling any better. And this phase here that I am battling is different from the ones I used to experience. I think I have exhausted every energy I have that I am left with nothing now. Not a single reason could suffice why I should wait another year before leaving and why I am allowing people to make me feel, like all of a sudden, I am a failure. What I do, all the efforts I put through every single task I juggle every.single.time.everyday. counts as nothing.

I hope alienating people out on purpose makes you genuinely happy. And that the division you forge into this sphere where we co-exist could still be torn down in time. A lot has been hurting and there is a terrible reason why we do. I do hope you are able to see that before it is too late.

I don’t know if I am heading towards something much catastrophic but hoping I am not. Suddenly, everything and anything doesn’t seem right. And what pains me is the fact that I’ve never put too much effort into making things new for myself, for others, because I am trying to love what I have now. I have done the best of what I can this time. And still, I am not happy.

There is something missing and I couldn’t figure it out.

Youth and Misadventure

This is to affirm a certain phase lost to time. Of moments that has marked a point where endings and beginnings converge, where they locked eyes for a moment reminiscing what’s about to be left off… and then turn away and bid adieu to one another. This here, is the lonely death. The death that will eventually give birth to a new beginning. And give rise to a new life. Here, is the perennial cycle of birth, death and rebirth.

In the context of time, the idea of youth is never bound by age. I am not bound by age. My ninety-year old grandpa might be physically-incapacitated to fly off a plane or try bungee jumping but who knows, perhaps no one would ever know just how far he would go for one chance to do all of these if only circumstances permit.

Youth is never giving in to time. Youth is embracing the inner child in you—full of wonder and awe at the world and what it is capable to give.

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It is not losing the momentum to get on despite how life grinds you down. It is an endless chance to forgive and forget what you cannot change. It is embracing the past and taking on the future with enthusiasm and gratefulness for just being alive today. It is the spirit of getting up after a hard fall. It is feeling those butterflies in your stomach when you look at or dream of someone.

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It is being transported to a different world when you read a good book or when you learn a new language, a new culture, or get to know a special person.

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You know these feelings never really die. Youth is the epitome of being wild and restless, of that continuous seeking of that adventure you have dreamed of living all your life. It is flying a rocket to space or boarding a space ship with the same heart you have as when you know you are about to face your own peril.

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It is the spirit of pursuing the life you have never really lived. It is never stopping to learn.

It is me and my pursuit of life. It is me and my own messy adventure.

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As I am about to bid goodbye to another set of days that has made me what I am a year later, I feel more capable now to brave the odds of what the future holds for me. Uncertainties are constant. No matter how I worked my way to get myself on a more secured space, there will always be the variables that affect how things take its course. Mathematics is crazy. Some things will keep changing and I have no control over it. Situations will either get better or worse. The link between constants and variables and how I should decide now based on pure intuition and trust, they kept delving into me and haunting me like ghosts in the night. They kept my mind awake and my spirit always longing for what I have shied away from.

Now is the time to make myself comfortable with the thoughts of the unknown—with its reality and of life’s uncertainties. I only have one life to live and although I feel like there are too many things to do that cannot be fulfilled in one lifetime alone, better still to start doing what needs to be done now. I’ll think about how to make the rest as I go along. I just need to start living. I needed this fuel to fly!

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Youth is living the day that never dies.

 

My idea of youth is transcendental. It transcends beyond the physical realms of our existence. It is a desire, a fire, a fuel that keeps our dreams alive and propels how we interact with the world around us.

It is the flame that keeps me to pursue and wrestle with life everyday.

My youth, may I never lose it. May I never stopped wondering what beauty the world still has in stake for me. May I never tire watching the sunrise and sunset every start and ending of the day. May my love for the moon and the stars and the vast ocean never cease to exist. May I never stopped dreaming of flying free like the birds that fascinates me. May I never lose hope of becoming the astronaut I fervently wished I would become since I was a kid. May I never lose the spirit of wonder and awe at the beauty of people, at the natural works of the universe unfolding before me every second, at the power of our minds to create and recreate what is best for the world. May I never fear change. May I never stopped believing in the greatness and goodness of people. May I never stopped searching for love. May I never stopped loving. May love will find me too.


PS. By the time you read this, I am about to have my birthday dinner date or a boat ride with Flynn Rider at Disneyland (if I could find him of course),  with the fireworks or the lanterns lighting up the sky as how I would have dreamed it to be. Because I am still young and all, and you know, fantasy is still a necessity to my survival. 😀

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And no wicked witch to spoil the moment, please!

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“If you have a dream, chase it. You might just end up with a fairy tale.”

 

 

This is supposed to be scheduled tomorrow but hey! Buon compleanno a me in advance! Ci vediamo alla prossima! Spread the love! 😀

 

Different Worlds

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There are many reasons why women fall out of love. As much as there are reasons why they fell in love in the first place. I don’t know with how it is with other women. What I know is, in my case, the universe of where I am holds the mystery as to why I am drawn into you—the way your words bring together and stitch these familiar galaxies into one fabric of our destiny, at how this same world that though apart and disparate in many ways, echoes the same voice yearning to be held and conquered. Perhaps not tangible as the ones I knew in this lifetime, but one that touches and similarly burns a fire within my soul. Mine is different in many ways. I knew you, but at the same time, what I really know is a stranger I have perhaps became acquainted with in a lifetime before mine. Perhaps a lover, a partner, a soul mate from a different era of my existence.

As I feel you drifting away in my mind, I cannot help but wonder. Will I ever feel the same way with another soul again? Will I ever feel the same fire as the way I had with you? From a different plane that traverses our separate worlds, you were here beside me, telling me stories at sun dusk to dawn while staring blankly over the miles that separate us, sifting the chaos of waves crashing upon the rocks on every shore just to hear me whisper, “I am here”. Yes, I am here.

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