The ebb and flow of life as we know it, is like the tide— it goes through endless crests and troughs. It’s a never ending cycle of highs and lows, which to me, essentially makes life worth living for.
Humans are complex creatures but at the very core, we all aspire one thing— to be happy. We have different meanings and faces of happiness and different means to attain it. What we equate happiness to and the means by which we go after it, usually are the reason why we feel overwhelmed, most of the times, weighing ourselves and our spirits down.
I’ve asked myself many times why I am so patient and forgiving of other people, besides myself. Why I respect other’s learning curve but hard on pushing myself to the limit. I can take some time off my schedule to educate someone, but giving a day away to myself to be unproductive and to just rest feels like an unforgivable crime. What purpose am I doing this for? What’s my why? Will this undertaking really make me happy? What is the face of happiness for me?
I usually go to bed unable to drift to sleep right away. Sometimes, I’d stay awake staring at the ceiling in the pitch darkness, trying to deduce what really is that thing that fires up my soul. And how can I give it a name? How can I give it meaning? Is it love? Is it purpose? But as soon as the spirit of slumber snatches me away, I unconsciously let go and so the answer to these questions was never found. Another morning is born that ends to another night, and again, another silent moment to contemplate about the what and why, continues.
The mind ceases to rest. The heart works to keep the body alive, filling it with the life it needs to continue serving its purpose.
The highs and lows of life is an inevitable phase. The highs are what we aim for; the lows, we mostly, often dread. Sometimes the latter comes with confusion, frustration, pain, with doubts and fear and most of the times, with loneliness, that sometimes we ourselves cannot fathom. On the onset of your highs, do any of you fear entropy?
The level of overthinking is palpable. The late night thoughts linger without direction or timing. While I sit with my headphones on, opposite the computer every night, the mind would slowly come to a halt. A man mumbles on the screen but I can hear nothing. Nada. Niente. I’d keep staring at the stranger, not trying, but letting the mind drift elsewhere. The man stops mumbling, the screen is down, and I am supposed to be one course ahead from yesterday. But I ended up not retaining even half of the course I just finished… I learn nothing. So I had to redo what I lost the next day.
… It’s a perennial redoing of things that I’ve missed and failed. If life is infinite, I wouldn’t have to worry about wasting my time away. But time can be cruel sometimes. We’ve witnessed it many times. It comes and goes so abrupt to some people. And that makes it scary.
How one can regain momentum when one is out of focus? How can you stay motivated when you’re at your low? I think the answer lies in our “whys”. Knowing our why for living is fundamental to our survival in a world that is not always fun and happy.
Life is not always fun and happy… or beautiful. But its excrescence is an adventure that is worth experiencing, taking and trying. The highs and lows compliment each other in some way. It creates balance so we can realize and understand the things that really matter in the end.
No matter what you go through today, can we all make a promise? Let’s all continue and strive to thrive, shall we?